So, for those of you who have lost a child, you'll understand where I'm coming from with this. I came home after work to change before I went to the grocery store. My daughter (step-daughter technically) wanted to go with me. So, of course, I get her dressed and wipe the chocolate off her face. She was a perfect little angel in the store (she usually is) and we run into a man I work with while waiting to check out. He asks me how old she is and if she's my only one. With out even thinking I said yes, she was the only one. As soon as I said it, I thought, I should have said no. At this point, he's on to a different part of the conversation and I can not think of a way to bring it up without it sounding forward... then came the guilt. I felt like a horrible mother for not saying anything. I just know from experience that people tend to shy away from you when you mention the child(ren) who no longer reside on this planet with you. It's like people think they don't count anymore. I just felt guilty because this is one of the few times I have actually answered that question so forwardly... and without the mention of my sweet baby boy. Was it intentional? No. Was it because I forgot about him? Of course not, I think about him every second of every day. I think sometimes I just try to get caught up in the less hurtful parts of my life. Now don't take that the wrong way because having Connor wasn't the hurtful part. The hurtful part was having him ripped away from me and not being able to do ANYTHING about it. As a mommy, you want to kiss it and make it all better and no matter what I did, nothing was enough.
Anyway, those are my thoughts tonight.
<3 In Memory of Connor James<3
Anyway, those are my thoughts tonight.
<3 In Memory of Connor James<3