Well, I officially missed the New Year on here. Sorry about that. The weather has been ridiculous here and I think I just lost track of time. Just spent a good half an hour going through Connor's box, crying some and smiling some. God, I miss him so much. Some days, it just feels so empty. Reading the details that I have forgotten... I'm so glad I wrote things down. I first felt him move on March 3rd, 2011 and daddy got to feel on March 9th. I read my entry from when I first found out we were expecting... all my hopes, dreams and wishes for him were laid out. It all seems bittersweet now. I wrote down when our first doctor's appointment was and wrote when we found out something was wrong... but not much after that. So here I am... holding the heart-shaped pillow that weighs 1lb and 8oz (just like Connor) and his teddy bear from the hospital. The things that become keepsakes when you have nothing else to hold on to.
Anyway... missing my baby extra tonight. After looking through his pictures again, I found a new favorite of mine. One where he just looks so peaceful. Mommy loves you Connor James. I miss you so very much and life without you is... there isn't even a good word for it. Dark, difficult, pointless some days... can't believe you'd be 2 in just a few short months. *Sigh*
Goodnight everyone. It's time to put on a happy face and start living in the real world