Happy Birthday Connor James! At 3:08 pm today, you would be turning 2. What an exciting age 2 is... we're all missing out on so much. I can't believe that it's been two years since I was in the OR waiting for you to arrive... it doesn't seem so long ago. Oh baby, mommy and daddy miss you so much. Your sissy is starting to understand that you aren't here. We've always talked about you but while we were making cupcakes for your birthday, she asks me "Who has Connor?". At first I just answer that no one has Connor. The question caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say. Then she asks me "Well, where is Connor then? Why isn't he with you?" and I answered that you are in Heaven with the angels. She seemed to be content with that answer for now. Two years... your mommy has changed so much since you were born. Things are so much different. I still struggle sometimes. I still find myself asking why. I still blame myself sometimes. I'm not sure if these things ever go away. I so hope that the angels are giving you lots of love on your birthday since mommy can't quite reach there. I love you baby boy.Happy Birthday.
Well, here we are again. Mother's Day is just around the corner. This is always a bittersweet time for me. I get to celebrate the fact that I am a mother. On the other hand, your child should be here to celebrate with you. It's a difficult holiday to trudge through when all you see are pictures of women with their children wrapped in their arms, gifts that their children made at school and hear all about the wonderful things their children said to them. It's hard because our children will never do those things. We'll never have the joy of seeing their painted hand prints on a card for us... we'll never get to hear our children tell us that they love us... or have their arms wrapped around us. I think I'm ready to skip the weekend. I'm sure some of you feel the same way. It just brings a mix of crazy emotions. Joy, pride, sadness, pain... it really depends on who you are and where you are in your grief journey.
I just want to say Happy Mother's Day to any mommy. Whether your babies are in your arms or in heaven, you are a mother and you are amazing. Try to find joy in this fact and do something for yourself. If you want to avoid everyone, that's okay. Just try to do what is right for you and know that your babies are proud of you and they know how much you love them.
Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy having a day to celebrate everything you do for your family.