I thought about you a lot today sweet boy... I just realized that it never gets "easy"... some days I miss you so much and I just end up making myself anxious... I literally make myself sick thinking thinking about how I will never get to hold you again or walk you into your first day of school...I wish we could get more traffic into your site... I feel like people need to know about CMV so that their babies don't have to fight like you did... I know you were here for a reason... and taken away for another... but I can't see it. I realized that some days I still feel like my entire world is crashing down... I feel like breaking into tears for no particular reason... and every time I have to tell someone that I used to have a baby but he's my angel now, it makes my heart break. It's still not fair. It never will be. It still hurts. I think it always will. Mommy misses you more than anyone could ever know Connor. I never thought that I would miss your little head on my bladder or your feet in my ribs... but some days, I find myself holding my hand on my tummy in the hopes that you'll still kick me back. It hurts so much... and I'm sorry if you had to feel any pain... I'm sorry I couldn't be next to you any of the 14 hours of your short life... I would have been there for all of them if I could have. I'm glad you got to know your daddy a little before you left... but I wanted you to stay with us...point is that I miss you and I love you more than my heart can stand... Keep watching over mommy and daddy. I know you're making Heaven quite a place to be and I'll be glad to see you again.
<3
<3