In 7 short days, we will have been without you for 6 whole months. I can already tell that this is going to be the longest year of my life. If you are a parent who has lost a child, I'm sure you know the moment when you sit down and wonder how you got here. You wonder how you've made it this far and if it will be this hard forever. I find myself wondering if it's okay to laugh... because sometimes I feel guilty for still having good days. It just seems unfair to him sometimes. And of course I have my off days... and the horrible ones... but they are getting farther and fewer between. I know that this is what is supposed to happen, but why does it hurt so much to try to go back to normal... why is it so hard some days to just be a normal 21 year old? I guess that's because I am not a normal 21 year old. I'm a 21 year old who has a beautiful step-daughter, few friends, the best boyfriend in the world and is missing her first child. There aren't many 21 year old's like me. I feel like I have aged so much in just the last 6 months... I feel like my hopes and dreams have been shattered and my faith has been shaken. So much has changed. I live in a world where no one understands me or my actions. Some people call the way I act sometimes crazy. Yea, I guess you could call it that. I just call it grief, panic, sadness, hopelessness, fear, happiness, love, faith.... it's such a whirlwind of emotions that I don't even know what I am feeling most of the time. Don't judge me if you don't know me. I'm so tired of people claiming to "hate" me, when they have never even taken the time to get to know me. Think what you want but I am a loving, caring person. I'm a mother. I treat my step-daughter like she is my own because I don't see her differently. I'm a good person whether you want to take the time to get to know me or not. All that matters is that I know that and all of the important people in my life know that.
I miss you everyday.
<3
I miss you everyday.
<3