Today has been bittersweet. We had a great day with our sweet girl and had lots of fun. It helped to keep my mind off of things. But, it still crossed my mind a few times. Two years ago today, our whole world fell apart. I wore green to my doctor's appointment and was finally feeling good. Sam and I debated the whole way there about what we would see. We were supposed to go in and find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Except that none of what we expected happened. Instead, our day ended in tears and fear. I was told our baby would be stillborn and that we should probably just abort now. I was 17 weeks along. I had just started feeling him move a few weeks before and boy was he active on the way there. When the doctor told me they were sending me to the perinatal center, my heart dropped. I managed to hold it together until we walked out of the doctor's office into the hallway. All I could do was fall into Sam's arms and cry while he told me over and over that everything would be okay. Crazy to think how much things have changed in two years. I still miss him so much that it hurts sometimes. Today is one of those days. Birthdays aren't the only anniversary's we have as bereaved parents. There are always at least a few key dates that will stick with us forever.
Connor James, mommy and daddy miss you so very much. I still don't quite know how to do this without you, but I think we're doing alright. <3 Fly high sweet boy and watch over your big sister for me.