Oh boy... I can already tell that I'll be thinking about you lots tomorrow... I feel like I'm moving on without you... I guess that's because I am, but only because I have to sweet boy. It's like I've been living someone else's life for the past few months. Like I wasn't aware of the circumstances. I guess you do what you have to in order to survive. I had a great weekend with your dad... we goofed off and did some dorky stuff, which was nice... but I always come back to thinking about you and how you'll never get to be goofy with us... how you'll never say your first word or take your first step... and it breaks my heart. I build my expectations up so high that it's hard for me to let go... I just assumed I would be having a baby shower, decorating a nursery and bringing home a healthy baby... I just assumed that I would have all the time in the world to hold you, kiss you and remind you how much I love you... so, for me, I feel like I missed out on a detrimental part of parenthood... on every part... and for you, I feel like it wasn't fair that you had to fight every day of your short little life and that you had to have so much medical intervention to start with... we only did it because we thought as long as you wanted to fight, we'd let you.... because we love you and wanted you to have a shot at life... because I wasn't going to be the person to choose to let go... that was your choice... and I know that you had to, even though I hope you didn't want to... we would have been a perfect little family and you would have been loved more than anything... you still are. I love you so much baby boy and I miss you more.