Wow. I can't believe that we're just a week away from Thanksgiving (I figured it's late enough at night to just not count the rest of today). This blog has been a place for me to go on the really hard days. Sometimes I get so caught up in the shuffle of every day life that I forget I have this. I have so many things to be thankful for and I am so very thankful but I still miss my baby. These days are hard just because I feel like we're missing something. I guess that's because we are. It's still hard for me to think about the crazy-excited little boy we should have right now. We should be watching him bounce off the walls at family functions when Grandma and Paw-paw give him too much candy. He should be following his big sister around. We should be running around like crazy while trying to keep him from going down the stairs alone or breaking something (on accident of course). I am so very thankful for the time I got with my son. The 27 weeks I carried him. The 14 hours he fought hard. The few minutes I had with him after he was gone. Dear Lord, I AM thankful. But that doesn't make me miss him any less. It doesn't keep me from saying "this isn't fair" sometimes. I think I've learned that while you adapt and you learn to live again, you still miss them. You still expect to see them. You still wish they were here. And sometimes, while you're smiling on the outside, you are still falling apart on the inside. No matter what happens, I am thankful for the time I had with my baby. I am thankful his name is still spoken and that his sister knows who he is. I am thankful for our beautiful baby girl (she may not have my DNA but she is still my baby). I am thankful for the man I married. He is always there when I need him and although he's not the most emotional person in the world, he tries, for me. I am thankful for all of my family and friends. I am thankful that Connor helped me find who I am supposed to be. I stumble sometimes, but I'm improving. I hope that all of you have peaceful holidays. Do what is right for you, even if that means sitting in your jammies and refusing to leave the couch. Do not rush yourself and do not feel OBLIGATED to do anything you don't feel like. I love each and every one of you. It's okay to feel sad, even when you're thankful.