This year, the pain wasn't quite as raw as it used to be. Although I still thought of how it should look with you and your sister running around and finding eggs together, it was in a happier light. I thought of what you would look like and tried to imagine your laugh. It's hard since I never heard it but I like to think I was close. We had a good day. I felt more at peace like you were there with us. As the days festivities slow down, I find myself getting sad. I didn't want to end the day like this but I can't help it. I've missed so much. I've missed watching you eat tons of candy and crashing out at grandpas. I've missed carrying you up the stairs as you sleep. I've missed kissing you goodnight and brushing your hair off your forehead. I've missed hearing you giggle and splash in the tub. I've missed out on nearly 3 years of goodnight kisses and cuddles. There are so many things I wish we had gotten to experience before you left. The little moments. There's no use in getting caught up in what we didn't have but sometimes you just can't help it. You just think "if I could have had a little more time" but would any amount of time have been enough? No. Forever being your mommy wouldn't have been long enough. Happy Easter baby boy. I couldn't bring myself to get you anything for Easter and I'm sorry. It just hurts too much to have it mocking me. There are still times I get you things but I just couldn't this time. What's worse is I found myself wondering what could I get you? Nothing seemed good enough. Nothing seemed appropriate. I love you Connor. I do wish we had more time but the truth is that it never would have been long enough. I am honored to have gotten the opportunity to carry you as long as I did and to have been blessed by your time here. My life is forever changed by your gentle innocence and your will to live. Happy Easter Connor James. Mommy loves you so very much.