Some days all I can think is "what do I do now?" I still haven't learned how to do this without you. You should have been about a month old at this point but instead I am going to pick up your death certificate. No parent should have to do this. All I can do is hope that I am strong enough to keep talking about you and CMV. Maybe we can help someone else. I tall everyone I have two babies. You and Katie. I miss you more than you know. Sometimes, I wonder how everyone else's life just keeps on rolling along when it feels like I'm stuck... in a nightmare. Just seems crazy, that's all. I can't believe it's been four months. I relive your birth on the 20th of every month... it's a bitter sweet feeling... I was so happy you were trying... but unfortunately, I've already seen the ending. Then on the 21st, I remember every second of your fight and how it felt when I found out you were gone. I hate this.